75/100

Counting Down the Days

Hey everyone. Sorry I have been MIA lately. Honestly this quarantine is kicking my ass. I am working from home now, as is my husband and our daughter’s daycare is closed. So I used to have some downtime at work during the day and that is when I’d often check in on the blogs I follow and post weekly(ish) about myself. Well, now all of my downtime at work is spent entertaining a toddler so my husband can also do what he needs to for his work. I have been wanting to check back in though, and today is day 75 out of 100 sober! So I thought now was a good time for a quick update.

This little experiment in sobriety has challenged me in unexpected ways. I’ve never been someone who had to have a drink and this challenge was just a health challenge, which was why I also did a mini (40 day) sugar detox along the way.

Alcohol has always been just a social part of my life, but one thing this sober challenge has highlighted for me is that I do always want to fit in. I feel the social pressure to drink with others, feel bad for not participating, feel awkward for saying no.


This is the part I have to overcome. Making decisions for myself and not for how it might appear to others. It’s almost cheating now that we are quarantined and I am not tempted by social situations. Still I’ve done some virtual game nights and happy hours and feel a little tempted to have something other than La Croix, but it’s not the same as being in person.

This is something I am still going to need to work on even after these 100 days are over. I’ve never known how to ‘not care’ what other people think of me. I think I get better at it with age but my ultimate life goal is to be one of those women who truly DGAF what anyone thinks of them.

I had a goal for myself at the beginning of the year to run in more races this year than last year. I only did 6 races last year and so I thought this would be an easy goal to achieve. In January and February I did a winter series of three races, so I was off to a good start. Then COVID-19 came along and all the races have been canceled for the foreseeable future. Even as things start opening back up I doubt races will be allowed due to the very large crowds they tend to draw. Things like that will be some of the last events to get the green light when we are finally over the peak. I may try some virtual races, but it just doesn’t feel the same.

I’ve decided on a different goal for this year, and that is to be more open and honest and stop caring what others think of me. Or stop worrying about the ‘consequences’ of being myself. This is going to be a tall order, but I hope to soon have some more blog posts and I hope I allow myself to be more open in them.

Speaking of not caring what others think, I’m probably going to cut my own bangs tomorrow. They’re driving me crazy!! I’m trying not worry about what I will look like if I mess them up. They will likely grow back out before the end of quarantine anyway, and I don’t have to see anyone until they do!

As I continue posting this year (which may be a bit sparse until things normalize more) I hope you all will hold me accountable for my honesty. Really. If I post a blog and it seems like fluff – call me out. Tell me you want more from me. Something more raw. I tend to sugarcoat everything and give caveats and not let myself express my true feelings very well. I want to be genuine and I want you all to feel that I am. So I hope you will help me. And I hope you will keep reading and you will not find my honesty to be annoying or trite or full of “white girl problems.” I guess if I lose all of my followers I will know why.

Well. This turned into a longer post than I expected! I will leave it here for now and hopefully will be back to update again soon.

If you are on Instagram you can also follow me there @healing.runner where I post a lot more frequently.

12 comments

  1. Hey there! Sounds like you’re making some important discoveries. I felt the same way when I quit drinking, awkward and like I didn’t quite fit in. This was compounded by me being an introvert and finding small-talk painful. That process of putting your wellbeing before what others may think is an important one that has to be practiced quite a bit before it becomes natural, I think. Good to hear from you and I look forward to reading more about your journey! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Kimi. So pleased you’ve got to day 75 and I so love the words on attitude. I found that fight harder than sobriety. I had so many plans for running this year but at least I’ve found a way of getting exercise done around full time parenting. But I so miss running. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s been rough. I’m glad you’ve found a solution at least for the short term. Hopefully this virus runs its course and we can safely get back to normal soon

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great stuff, lots of positive progress.
    Hey re inoculating yourself against public opinion why not try what one of the stoics did (forget which) the guy wore conspicuously ugly clothes that consistently drew negative attention…something to try when you’re out and about again?! But a truly bad haircut might be even better. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Took me until about age 50 before I finally quit caring what others thought of me. I realized that (a) mostly they’re thinking about themselves and not me anyway and (b) if they’re so judgmental – of me or others – they’re not someone I want in my life anyway so why care what they think? Of course, this is all easier said than done, and easier still with age, but a worthy goal. I wish I’d reached a place of not caring much earlier in my life, so I’m hoping you’re quickly successful.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow good for you! I don’t think I’ve gone that long consciously without drinking other than during fertility treatment and pregnancy… but equally I don’t drink that often. Sometimes once a week, sometimes less, occasionally more (but generally not). I enjoy drinking but I think/hope it isn’t a problem.

    Caring what others think of you… is something I’ve worked on for a while now. For me it’s not about not caring at all, because friends are important indicators of what we can’t see ourselves (I think), it’s more about knowing whose opinions I value and placing more importance on those. I don’t think it would be healthy for me not to care at all, as I’d probably descend into anarchy! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

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